Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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