Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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