I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
