So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
