you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
