I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
