the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
