My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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