and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
