Christians are straight up FREAKS
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
