Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
