hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
did i walk over a car last night?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
