Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
