Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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