he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
