who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
