dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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