I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
