Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I understand Curling. That high.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
