your thong is hanging out like whoa
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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