Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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