he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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