come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
