I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He did a backflip because drugs
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
