a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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