Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
