is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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