Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
