OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
