She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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