No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
