After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
