Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
