I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
