don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
