If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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