I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
