i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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