I like my sex mixed with concussions.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Drake has all the answers
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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