We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize