and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
