he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
