Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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