She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
NoShamevember. You game?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
