oh god the rape fog is back!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
