Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
