Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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