Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
