yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
