pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
