Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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