The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
