Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
