I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
