You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
