Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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