Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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